'I felt great until I walked into the classroom - then it all went wrong!'
These were the comments of a student, not a teacher! And they came just before a vital exam, one she needed to pass to ensure a place at college. Success was important to her, so she'd made sure she was prepared, both intellectually and emotionally.
The...
'I felt great until I walked into the classroom - then it all went wrong!'
These were the comments of a student, not a teacher! And they came just before a vital exam, one she needed to pass to ensure a place at college. Success was important to her, so she'd made sure she was prepared, both intellectually and emotionally.
Then she blew it. She walked into the classroom where students were gathering before going to the exam hall, and allowed herself to be influenced by them.
Later she mentioned that you could cut the negative atmosphere with a knife. Some students looked so gloomy you'd think they'd had a death sentence. Others were walking up and down nervously, some even saying comments like: 'I'm doomed, I know it for sure!' 'I'll bet this is going to be a tough one today.' 'You're right, last year's was easy, so ours will be tough!' 'I wish I'd done some work when I had the chance!'
So it went on. And the girl in question allowed herself to be sucked under. She reported a feeling of nausea as the confidence drained from her.
Luckily she managed a pass, but everyone - and no one more than the student herself - was disappointed that she never achieved the expected high grade.
But the girl turned the experience into a learning situation. She became aware that: * If your language is predominantly negative, you won't achieve your goals * You must guard against the negativity of others - for if you don't, they can easily 'infect' you too!
Our experience in any situation is largely influenced by our attitude to it, (i.e. the way we FEEL, the way we react emotionally to the situation).
The attitude we have works on our thoughts, which in turn affect our speech, then our speech further conditions our thoughts!
And, as we've seen, other people's language can have an effect on us - if we let it! A common scenario for parents and teachers here in the UK is to hear students say 'I'm stuck!' when doing class or home study. All that's happening is that the student has come up against a challenge and hasn't yet found a solution.
Parents often refer the matter to the teacher - which is fair enough, as they are there to help.
But the words, 'I'm stuck', are not so harmless as they may seem
Is a negative message being sent back to the brain?
In my teaching I have monitored this many times, all with similar results. When I hear a student claim to be 'stuck', I usually say 'I'll see you in a few minutes', then I let them get on with it.
Other kids will say 'Can you help me, please?' and I'll give them the same reply.
Now, without fail, the students who were 'stuck' sit and vegetate until the teacher comes over. After all, they've given their brains a message: 'Down tools! There's nothing more we can do right now.'
On the other hand, the children who have asked for 'help' will keep working and have often found a solution by the time the teacher arrives.
See how language works?
Perhaps I should add at this point that I only hear 'I'm stuck!' in new classes. My students soon learn that they are not trees, so they can't be stuck!
Some may think this is a denial of reality. But since our language can affect our INTERPRETATION of reality, why not put it to good use, rather than create 'problems'?
As a writer, I often hear people say they'd love to write a book. Recently one young woman said exactly that, then followed up with '. . . but I don't suppose I ever will.'
She wasn't pleased at my reply: 'No, I don't think you ever will.'
But we went on to talk about the effect of negative words and she appreciated where she was going wrong. Remember Henry Ford? 'If you think you can't - you're right!'
So what can we parents do to assist our kids in their education and preparation for life?
Help them monitor their language. And, as always, give them a good example by keeping our own language positive! Gently point out that 'I hate Chemistry!' will only reinforce a negative attitude to that subject.
'Right, I'll be more positive about it!' will bring results.
Now we're talking! But it's still very easy for the negative talk of others to throw our kids off track.
This trick may sound ridiculous, but rest assured, it's effective!
The best thing to do when you come up against negative language or gestures is to remove yourself. But if that's not possible, imagine you're inside a huge bubble or jar, which moves around with you.
Imagine now that your positive language can go out to others and do them good - but their negative comments and behaviour are neatly blocked by your armour, so you are safe.
Try it. It works . . .
Enjoy being a parent!
About the Author:
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